Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
