Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
