nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
