Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
