I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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