dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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