i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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