do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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