Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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