'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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