we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
