LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
