just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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