8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
