I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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