Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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