I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
