shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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