I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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