Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
