I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
