I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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