she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
