Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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