i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
