turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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