As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
