Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
