A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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