I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
