The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
