Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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