yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
