The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
