I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
