I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
