He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
