You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
