i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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