Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
