is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
