How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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