Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
