Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
