There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
