Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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