Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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