dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
