even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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