i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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