You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
