i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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