I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
