evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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