i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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