Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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