I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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